Lesson 5

I would like to honor I was in a fairly negative place when I wrote some of my last journal entries. They do not encompass my whole experience. But I'm going to let them stand for what they are and the moment I wrote them.

In what spirit do you typically enter a date?

I don't date, so I don't have an answer to this question.

How has that spirit served you in the past, and was it loving toward yourself?

Just having to respond to that question above and thinking about how I don't date and how that angers me brings up more anger. I feel some tightness in my face and in my solar plexus. Now some emotion is coming up from under that. I want to say Fuck You for asking me in what spirit I enter a date. I'm sure I could respond to the nature of the question if I wanted to, but this rage and desire to lash out is much more interesting. There are thoughts that go along with that too, like "why not me? why am I not worth dating? why don't people ask me out? why does the man I like not ask me out?" etc, etc, etc. And voicing those things brings up a softer side of me. underneath. It's the part of me that yearns for connection and fears it.

I heard someone say recently that all desires come back to one of two things: the desire to be connected to source or the desire to be separated from source. 

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